L is Leaves, Pumpkins and Cool Air, Oh My!

L is for Leaves, Pumpkins and Cool Air, Oh My!  It is finally fall!  It still gets hot from time to time (we're talking spikes into the 90s still), but for the last couple of weeks, we have been fairly mild and our highs have generally been in the 80s and some mornings, we have even woken up to 50s! With it being October, it was time to visit the pumpkin patch as we do every single year.  This is where I always snap their fall pictures and I haven't missed a year yet - except when my oldest was 2 weeks old, but yeah... that just wasn't going to work out.  So we snagged my niece and we hopped on down to the local church pumpkin patch.  We went for an old-time farm feel this year and I think they turned out nicely!  I even managed to get one of all 3 of my boys and my niece looking at the camera! Success!  There are SO many wonderful events we do in the month of October (and November, so be on the lookout for all the Harvest celebration then!) and I always end up with an onslaught of pictures this time of year.  Aside from the pumpkin patch, we also visited Bellingrath Gardens for their Annual Balloon Glow in the Gardens, something we have done for 3 years now.  It was a crazy mess, but we will continue to go because the boys enjoy it so much.   It's a giant trunk or treat inside the gorgeous grounds of Bellingrath Gardens, which is a large, year-round botanical garden.  We are hopefully going for their Christmas in Lights this year too!  We hit a few snags this year, though - traffic was terrible.  We waited in traffic for over an hour, we had to park at the entrance and walk a mile each way... and there was lots of whining, out of all 4 kids (I have taken to grabbing my niece and taking her along whenever I can since her dad works long hours and is exhausted on the weekends.  It's the least I can do to help out - my boys love her and she gets to go, it's a win-win all around.) so by the end, I was just done.  All 3 of my boys ended up grounded for their behavior at the restaurant following the excursion and they are just now getting ungrounded by cleaning their rooms - which is no small task.  We have more events coming up this week, but I will likely include them with the Halloween post.

L is for Laser Tag.  Report cards came in this week and to my relief, I found two perfect report cards from my two kids.  Apollo had straight A's and S's in PE and Behavior.  So off we went to go play laser tag as our local laser tag place offers a free session for straight A's.  It was just Apollo versus Orion and though he lost (Orion has played lots of times before), Apollo had a ton of fun!  Afterwards, we headed off to Moe's Southwest Grill for a celebratory dinner (LOTS of queso and chips were consumed by the boys!) and then to Kripsy Kreme to redeem their report card rewards there - a free doughnut for every A!  Needless to say, the family had dessert and then the boys had doughnuts for breakfast the next morning!  I love that our local businesses offer these rewards - it really pushes the kids to succeed!

L is for Laundry, as in the dirty kind.  I am not normally one to blast my personal struggles and annoyances.  Sure, I allude to the situations enough for those close to me to correlate the publicly stated frustrations back to a private occurrence, but this time... this time the dirty laundry is flying.  Because this time... it directly affected Apollo and very deeply.  Deeply enough that it took nearly an hour to pull him out of the emotional shut down that was caused by his father.  His largely absent father.  I won't comment on what I really think, but his "parenting" (and largely, his lack thereof) has always irritated me and caused me to not trust him.  But his poor decisions this time drove the final nail in the coffin of Apollo ever having a meaningful relationship with him.  My oldest just had his 7th birthday and it went very well - he got lots of fun things that he has been graciously sharing with his brothers, we went out to eat, there was lots of cake... it was overall enjoyable.  Then it arrived.  The overnighted package from his father.  A box full of crumpled up wrapping paper, a torn card and a birthday gift for Orion - with only a matching cup for Apollo and Phoenix.  Why is this an issue, you ask?  Because their father didn't send Phoenix anything in March for his birthday, nor did he send Apollo anything for his birthday in May.  He didn't even acknowledge they existed.  At the time, there was no contact between my kids and their father (same father for all 3 of my boys), but their birthdays came and went and nothing.  They haven't seen him in person in 18 months and have been talking on the phone with him since July for around 30 minutes a week - it's all they can handle.  Apollo will sometimes talk to him and sometimes he won't.  So a month ago, when he asked my oldest what he wanted for his birthday, I sent along a message to him that he needed to also send something for Phoenix and Apollo's birthdays that he missed.  He chose not to and when my oldest (my sweet, blond headed little ball of empathy) questioned his father on why he didn't send them something too when he wanted him to, their father replied that Phoenix and Apollo didn't get gifts because they didn't talk to him on the phone.  A harsh enough blatant statement of manipulation, but even worse?  Apollo was standing in the doorway and heard it... so then when his father didn't ask to talk to him and hung up without even acknowledging he was there (Apollo usually doesn't speak to his father... he's not good on the phone with anyone, especially people he doesn't know), Apollo burst. This was his most dramatic meltdown in MONTHS - he was screaming hysterically, tears were flowing everywhere and I couldn't even get him to tell me what was wrong.  My mother had to pull him out of it this time... that's when you know it's bad.  He usually comes out for me... so I don't know what is going to come of this going forward as it just happened yesterday, but when the weather clears (we're getting remnants of Patricia here...) I am going to contact Apollo's therapist because we may need an emergency session to make sure that Apollo realizes that there isn't a single thing he did wrong, because right now, his little heart is shattered that he doesn't seem to matter as much as his brother.  Which couldn't be father from the truth... not to people who love him and certainly not to his brother.  Orion is pretty upset over the whole thing too...

N is for Neurotypical

N is for Neurotypical.  This is a term that you hear a lot once join the Autism community.  Neurotypical is what an average person is - their brain functions as expected.  Apollo is NOT Neurotypical.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  In some ways, it's a blessing.  In other ways, it's a curse.  It is amazing to watch Apollo figure things out.  You can almost see the little gears in his head whirring away at speeds that would give you whiplash if you could really see them.  He takes complex problems and figures them out like they were nothing.  Yet, it is also a curse.  This same methodical processing can be all-consuming.  If he sets his mind to a task, he has to complete that task at all costs.  Obviously, this can be a great thing when he is trying to put together a puzzle, or complete his homework, or figure out a problem.  It can be debilitating to him when he is expected to do something not on his to-do list.  It is even worse when the task he focuses on is dangerous to his (or someone else's) well-being or would be otherwise damaging to himself or his surroundings.  When Apollo is in the first situation, he is a virtuoso completing the most gorgeous symphony (or one day he will be!  While this child LOVES music, he needs some work on tone and especially volume control.  For that matter, he needs some guidance on appropriateness and timing as well.  But those will come in time.).  When Apollo is forced to face the latter two situations, he becomes difficult at best and downright impossible at times.  His entire frame of mind goes into panic mode and he shuts down all emotions except utter distress.  You can see it come over him - his eyes blank out, he sets his jaw, balls up his fists and slams them against his ears... and then... he bursts. 

N is for New.  We have shifted his medication back to night time to aid in focus in the mornings as he is still having trouble getting ready in a timely manner.  This is actually a problem for both of my school-age kids.  Orion is slow to focus and his mind jumps everywhere BUT where he needs to be.  Apollo can't pull himself out of his intense focus on one task to complete a series of tasks.  It's frustrating, but we're getting there.  Giving him one of his medications at night causes it to peak in the morning when he is getting ready and gradually fade over the day.  Since he is taking a second medication in the mornings and afternoons to aid with his focus, this seems to be working.  I am anxious to get him off of the double-dose medicine and onto something extended release like his brother.  However, that change cannot come until he turns 6, so for now we are stuck at an impasse.  The doctor won't increase his medications, but with the control of some of his issues, others have made themselves more prominent.  He doesn't melt down as often as he used to, but his melt downs (I should really learn to say shut down, so from here on out, I will refer to his melt downs and shut downs.) are more intensely focused and while easy to predict, they are no easier to redirect.  I am still pushing for testing because something is still causing his distress and the medication isn't addressing it. 

N is for Normal.  Our new normal.  That is learning not only to cope with Apollo's quirks and inevitable moments of total shut down, but also teaching Apollo how to cope on his own.  I haven't had any phone calls from school to let me know of any issues.  He has been routinely bringing home Green faces.  In fact, he has still only had 3 yellows the whole year - and those were from him not sitting in his seat the first two weeks of school.  We have had straight green for 6 weeks now.  His progress report was straight A's.  He loves to read at home, he is infatuated with the calendar and loves teaching math to his little brother (This is the child who taught himself AND my oldest how to add when he was 3 and my oldest was 4.5).  But I am waiting for normal to corrode away and for the quirks to show.  I need for Apollo to be ready to handle life when it doesn't go his way and things are truly out of his control.  For this reason, I am pushing for the testing to go forward.  It is 5 hours of testing to determine if he is on the spectrum and if he is, where he falls.  His therapist has already informed me that he is scary smart and she feels (as do I) that he is likely affected by what used to be diagnosed as Asperger's.  They no longer diagnose Asperger's, but rather the individual is classified as having high-functioning Autism.  I believe there may be more to the puzzle though.  I have suspected Asperger's since he was 3, but I now also suspect Sensory Processing Disorder.  He has found a way to socialize at school - at least I think he has.  He tells me he has friends and he is constantly writing their names and telling me things they do at school.  Whether he is truly friends with them, or whether he is what HE consider to be friends doesn't matter at this point.  But he still doesn't act appropriately in a lot of situations.  He is awkward and goofy and scary smart - this is the part of Apollo that screams Asperger's and thus, the Autism Spectrum.  But he overacts to outside stimuli like thunder, bright lights, weird sounds, being too hot or cold, things touching him and being touched by strangers.  These things in any capacity (and it differs) can send him into a complete tailspin and ruin his entire day.  And yet, some things that SHOULD upset him don't - like when he cut his leg.  He was completely chill where a "normal" child would be screaming their head off and likely would have had to be sedated.  Pain and physical discomfort don't seem to bother him - he is always putting his shoes on the wrong feet.   This part of Apollo screams Sensory Processing Disorder.  And he isn't being treated for EITHER with his medications.  He is being treated for ADD.  However, there is new research to show that SPD can successfully mask itself as ADD or ADHD in a lot of children who may also be suspected of being on the Autism Spectrum.  So even though Apollo appears to be a really complicated enigma of quirks, he may actually be quite normal when all the pieces are considered are treated appropriately.  Maybe not Normal as a dictionary would define it, but really quite normal when all is said and done and the puzzle is complete.