D is for Doctor

D is for Doctor.  Today, Apollo had an appointment with a psychiatrist in an attempt to bring him to some semblance of normalcy. He was wild, he was completely unchained and he exhibited the exact kind of behaviors he does at home.  Why is this different?  From my experience, most children including my oldest, seem to become a completely different person around others.  I have teacher friends who tell me that the child they teach at school is not the child that parents are familiar with.  The children never act out in front of the doctor, so the doctor thinks you are making things up, that you are too weak to deal with normal behaviors or that you just don't understand your child.  My child went all out at the doctor today and showed his stripes - and his polka dots, his neon lights and the cacophony of his soundtrack.  He really put on quite a show - to the extent that the psychiatrist admonished me for not being strict enough with him.  To be honest, I was letting him out act out more than I do at home so that the doctor could SEE it, rather than take me at my word.  Apollo was being the naughty boy and momma's the one that got scolded.  At least someone else was able to see what I see, what I see on a daily basis and understand the need for a change.  Nobody can function on either side of this fence - Apollo on his side in his own little world and the rest of the family on our side.  Something has to give, somewhere for us to be able to function as a family rather than a family split by autism.


D is for Drug.  The dreaded 4 letter word when it comes to autism.  There aren't really any drugs out there designed to treat autism itself.  There are medications intended for other purposes to help manage some of the symptoms of autism, but there is no wonder drug for the disorder itself.  My hopes were to get Apollo's hyper-focus and his insomnia addresses first as these two symptoms are the most debilitating for him.  I'm not sure how well the doctor was listening, but I have adamantly stated that I wanted Apollo on as little as possible prescription-wise.  He has taken Melatonin in one form or another for over a year now because he has always had trouble falling and staying asleep.  We were currently up to 8 MG which is almost an adult dose, but still yielding only about 7 hours of sleep. Any less than that and he is an absolute terror.  Ideally, I realize he is never going to be a child that sleeps 12 hours - that is Orion and sometimes Phoenix.  An ideal number of hours for Apollo would be closer to 9, but anything is better than the 3-4 he gets without anything if left to his own devices.  On nights when he is exhausted and falls asleep before bedtime, he's always up and at 'em within hours, usually before I am even able to get to bed.  The psychiatrist prescribed him a blood-pressure medication that is also used to control some autism symptoms - in our case, the intense focus and insomnia.  He also recommended we drop his dosage of Melatonin back down to 5 MG, but to buy a different brand that is a slow release, so we will be trying them together starting Monday.  I started him on the new Melatonin tonight, so we will see how it works for us come morning.

D is for Diagnosis.  This is what I was hoping to see today, but alas, we still do not have anything definite.  He is still considered to be ASD, which means he is on the autism spectrum.  However, the spectrum is enormous and encompasses disorders from severe mental retardation all the way across to oppositional defiant disorder with hundreds of possibilities in between. He certainly doesn't seem to have any type of delays and is at least above-average in intelligence, so I still feel that we are looking at Asperger's, which is essentially a high-functioning autism characterized by high intelligence but little to no viable social skills.  He is very quirky, almost to a predictable level now.  I don't know if he is getting more predictable, or if I am getting better acquainted with his quirks.  Either way, I can often sense when he is about to have an issue and am able to circumvent with little fall out.  Not always though.  We still have many times each and every day when one of us loses our cool, one of us gets frustrated with the other and one of us cries.  It varies every time who is who.  I am just as often the one to cry as the one to get frustrated.  I don't even get embarrassed anymore.  Those days are long over.  That mom that blushes, cowers and apologizes to everyone because her child is having a mega-tantrum?  That won't be me.  Not now, not ever again.  My child is not an embarrassment.  He has challenges.   Sometimes he just doesn't know how to express himself or his emotions boil over because his little brain isn't wired to deal with them the way that yours or mine would.  Don't get me wrong, though.  Sometimes he's being a little brat and I will deal with him accordingly.  I am getting better with discerning between true autistic behavior and when he's putting on a show to get his way.  He isn't getting away with anything.  He is a very bright boy and he can be very loving, but he definitely marches to the beat of his own xylophone.  So don't give me that exasperated look.  I am trying to get out of here as quickly as I can.  I know he's being a twerp.  I know he's loud and I know he's annoying. I know.  Trust me, I know... but if you really want to get him to stop showing out?  Engage him... smile and ask him if he has a favorite Ninja Turtle - and be prepared to learn everything you ever wanted (and didn't!) to know about Ninja Turtles because that is his favorite right now and he knows almost everything about it.  And be glad you are only going to hear about it for the next 5 minutes, because I am going to hear about it for the next 5 days, nonstop.  His autism will ensure that I personally know everything there is to know about Ninja Turtles... and The Land Before Time ("Longnecks eat plants. Sharptooths are bad dinosaurs.  They eat other dinosaurs.  We have 8 Land Before Time movies. Dinosaurs were around a long time ago...") and any other topic that he truly takes an interest in because that is one of the quirks of autism, specifically Asperger's.  But at the end of the day, I would hope that everyone remembers (and sometimes I have to remind myself) - A is not for Autism, A is not for Asperger's, A is for Apollo...